BratKnee

the only social I do is media

The Favorites: April 2018

I’m not going to lie. I’m a creature of habit. Once I find something that works, I stick with it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have favorites. This month, I may have treated myself to a few new things. Things that I might not have needed and other things that have made my life considerably easier.

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Canon 50mm f/1.4 Lens

I’m usually a very careful shopper. I stick to the necessities and don’t often splurge. Then my friend asked if I could take some headshots for her LinkedIn and I decided to pull the trigger on a somewhat frivolous purchase. I vowed that this year I would take more pictures, so I’d had my eye on a 50mm lens for a while. It was my friend’s request that made me finally pull the trigger (even though I didn’t need the lens to do it.)

The splurge happened when I decided to go for the f1.4 instead of the f1.8. The f1.4 was almost triple the f1.8 but I couldn’t help my self. I wanted that beautiful bokeh and I didn’t want to settle.

And boy am I glad I didn’t. Just look at how stinkin’ cute these pictures came out. (I can’t confirm if they cuteness came from the lens or my handsome boys, but for the purpose of justifying the purchase, we’ll go with the lens.)

Grigio on bedBacio in hammock
 

PopSocket

I know I’m late to the game on this but I really couldn’t fathom why you would need something like this. All I could picture me doing with it is using it as something to mindlessly fidget with.

And then I got an iPhone 8 Plus.

The phone is huge and my tiny panda hands could not handle the transition from the iPhone 6s to this.

My PopSocket has been a lifesaver and I don’t use that term lightly. Do you know how many times I drop my phone on my face? Yeah, it hurt when I’d drop my 6s but I’m pretty sure the 8 Plus could kill me. I’m not going to back that with science or experimentation but just trust me.

I’ll admit, I purchased a knock-off PopSocket first. It’s just in my nature to go with the generic. Would not recommend. Not only did the knock-off fall off after 1 day but it also didn’t feel like it could’ve supported the phone had it not jumped ship.

So basically this was splurge #2 of the month because I shelled out a whole $10 for the real deal. Hasn’t fallen off and I see no signs of that happening any time soon. (Just know I just knocked on wood after typing that.)

I was going to use the following mirror selfie to demonstrate my expert PopSocket usage, but then I realized I’m not actually using it. But I think you get the picture, right?

Bathroom Mirror Selfie

 

 Minimalist Bulletin Board

While I wouldn’t claim to be a put together person, I love to organize things. It’s a very soothing thing to get things in order. Now that I work from home, I needed a way to get organized without feeling like I was cramping my style. Sure, the paperwork can be easily hidden away in drawers and boxes but the things I need readily on hand were starting to get lost in the shuffle.

My home office is one half of my bedroom so I didn’t want it to feel too much like an office since it’s where I do most of my work and most of my relaxing. So I settled on a hanging grid that I could easily clip things to. When I finished a project, those papers could easily be filed away and the grid would still look cool. When I’m not using it for keeping my projects organized, I can decorate it with pictures or quotes or other textiles that inspire me.

To me, it feels more like a decoration than an office supply. I’m all for getting things done while looking cool.

Workspace

Oversized Reusable Water Bottle

One of my goals is to drink more water every day. I used to drink a lot more when I was working in an office because it was a chance to get away from my desk. Watercooler conversations are a workplace cliche for a reason. Now that I’m home, it’s felt like more a chore to get up and refill.

But I realized you don’t have to refill as much if you’ve got a larger bottle.

Don't Have to Meme

I’ve been shooting to drink a gallon of water each day (and more on the days that I exercise) so with this 32 oz. bottle, I only need to get up 4 times to reach that goal. If I use my brain for one thing, it would be how I can top my laziness each day.

I had to make sure I got one with a straw though. That’s my deal breaker. I know I’ll probably regret this when I’m older and I have excessive wrinkles around the mouth but I don’t think you understand how many times I spill all over myself when I drink from the mouth of the bottle or jar. Yes, I’m an adult but still.

 

Honestly, I made a lot more purchases in April than I should probably admit, so it’s hard to really narrow down my favorites. Also, I still haven’t washed the clothes I got from Goodwill so I can’t actually tell if they’re my favorite or not. If I thought I was treating myself last month, just wait until May is over. It’s my birthday month so I’m sure I’ll find other ways to pretend I have a disposable income and treat myself.

 

Here’s To Trying

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beverage-coffee-computer-overheadIf you asked me what I do, you’ll probably be shocked to see me hesitate. My heart wants to say I’m a writer but my brain wants to say otherwise. So sometimes I’ll say I work in social media, which is not a lie. Other times I’ll say I’m a content creator, which is also the truth. But why can’t I be the thing that my heart literally desires?

The answer is simple. Writers write. And I haven’t written anything worth my words in a very long time.

I’d like to say there’s no reason why I don’t write. I’d like to say there’s no one to blame. But the answers to both of those questions come to me so easily that I can’t be trying to trick myself into believing them: fear and myself.

Some people find it hard to admit things like that but I’ve always been the type of person who could easily decipher the root of my problems. The only difference between this and my anxiety and depression is that I can’t seem to move on. I know what makes me anxious. I know what makes me sad. I know what keeps me from writing. However, I can only muster up the courage to work through the former two.

And now I’m writing this.

It might seem strange because it is. I’ve rambled on for a couple hundred words about not writing but in doing so I have written. I am writing.

Why?

I’m the type of person who likes to put stuff out there so that the universe can hold me accountable. Stuff is such an ambiguous word but I mean it. For some reason, things don’t feel real to me until they’re said out loud. And sure, these words aren’t technically being spoken but they are hopefully being read by friends and strangers alike. So that’s got to count for something, right?

black-and-white-depressedI’m hoping the question, “Well what are you afraid of?” has been on your mind since I mentioned the word fear. Because I know it’s all I’ve been thinking about for the last hundred and fifty words. But who’s counting? Obviously, that person is me. The real question is why am I stalling?

As a person of the internet I know I only have your attention for so long. If you’re reading this, you’ve made it further than I thought, or maybe hoped, anyone would. Because if fewer people make it to this point, the smaller the Universe of Accountability will be. I’m basically a scientist.

Okay, so what am I afraid of?

Where do I start? I’m afraid of failing, of sucking, of burning out, of succeeding.

Did you hear that record scratch too? Good. That means I’m not completely batshit crazy.

Yes, I said I’m afraid of succeeding. I’m afraid of succeeding because if I succeed in the way I want to succeed there is a lot of weight to bear. I want to be for others what my favorite authors are to me. They’ve unknowingly shouldered the weight of so much of my baggage over the years that it’s time to pay it forward. Trying to find the right words to explain what I want to get out of writing only makes my endgame seem selfish.

beer cheers

I want people to look up to me. I want to be an escape from the real world. I want to make people laugh, cry, feel. I want to tell stories they’ll never forget. I want to be quoted in metaphorical AIM profiles or actual Tumblr blogs.

 

But then it all comes back to fear. Because if none of that happens, I’m afraid I won’t be able to see the value in the process.

However, this reminds me of a trending hashtag from years ago. It was #6WordStories and I couldn’t believe how people could say so much in so few words. I gave it a shot myself but I didn’t so much write a story as I did a mantra that has stayed with me since.

Failed attempts? At least I tried.

So this is me trying. This is me possibly failing. But in the end, does it really matter?